


Space Song; Soonhoon

by kwanies



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: ... and i may or may not have never written angst like this before so, ... not sure why i wrote this tbh all i did was make myself sad, Angst, M/M, One Shot, Sad Ending, Song fic, Soonhoon - Freeform, also ?? the summary sucks ?? & i'm sorry but just trust me when i say i tried, hopefully it isn't too bad sksks, lot of space references btw if you're into that
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-03
Updated: 2018-09-03
Packaged: 2019-07-06 12:01:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,036
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15885636
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kwanies/pseuds/kwanies
Summary: They both knew it would have to end; isolation is a weight too heavy to ignore.





	Space Song; Soonhoon

**Author's Note:**

> space song, beach house
> 
> tender is the night, for a broken heart / who will dry your eyes, when it falls apart?

 

 

 

 

 

> _The soul is out. The blood moves slow. You’re the nearest to dead you’ll ever be, save dying._

 

Soonyoung can feel it, weighing heavy in his chest - the loneliness, the nostalgia, all the nights spent barely sparing each other a glance and wishing,  _wishing_ they could go back to how they used to be. It's a chasmic space, so massive Soonyoung thinks it might just consume him entirely. He almost wants it to, if it means he could stop existing for a little while. He wants to ask, does he feel it, too? If Soonyoung said something, would he get it? A black hole so big it could tear him apart from the inside.

If he does, he shows no sign of it.

The distance had begun gradually, starting when they each began spending more time in their respective studios. Their comeback was upon them, the pressure and the nerves settling on their shoulders in a way that neither of them could ignore, and the last thing they needed to worry about was their relationship. It was fine, then. They still loved each other. Maybe it wasn't so regularly taken care of, so polished and pristine as it usually was, but there was no harm in keeping it to the side for a little while. Don't touch the glass, and there's no chance of breaking it, right?

Somewhere along the way, though, they lost it. They're galaxies apart, now, both at the center of the universe but too far away to reach the other. Soonyoung cut himself on a shard and had spent the last few months bleeding hope that the distance would close, so they could be  _clos_ _e_ again.

That hope dried up. It's dark, the stars aren't even out, and Soonyoung is struck with the realization that _this has to be it_. It has to end somewhere.

Maybe he's tricking himself when he catches Jihoon's eye and sees something, deep and buried. Maybe he's just trying to comfort himself one last time.

"Jihoon," he starts, and the name alone is enough to overwhelm him. Jihoon, it was always Jihoon, the boy he loves so much; he almost chokes.

The other boy's voice is somber, the kind of quiet that's scary. It could border on indifferent, to anyone else who might have been listening in, but Soonyoung always did catch the slightest of things when it came to him. He hears the too-quick inhale, sees the way his eyes flicker. They‘re both going be hurt, by the end of this.

"It ... It needs to happen," he says. Soonyoung wants to throw up. "We're hurting each other, yeah? At the end of the day, this is what's best for us."

At that, Soonyoung snaps. He can't help it, he's bitter.

"Really? Have I really hurt you that much? I was under the impression that this is what you've been wanting. I stopped trying way after you did, Jihoon, and now you finally have a reason to let go of me."

Jihoon doesn't darken like Soonyoung's seen him do so many times before, but he wilts. He's hit with a pang of guilt, bitter washing away quicker than it came.

"I never wanted this," he whispers. "I loved you more than anything."

"Well I - I still love you," Soonyoung's voice cracks. "Jihoon, why can't - can't we make it work? We can move past this, we can still save it -  _us_ , Jihoon, we can still save  _us_."

"I don't think we can, Soon. I think we're past the point of saving."

Soonyoung thinks his chest might just cave in on itself. It's destroying him, and he almost doesn't even realize Jihoon's the one who's crying. Jihoon's the one whose voice shakes when he speaks again, it's Jihoon who can barely push the words past his lips.

"I d-don’t want you to think I never ca-cared about you," he says, stumbling over his words. "I always did. You, you meant the world to me."

Soonyoung has to press the back of his hand to his mouth to hold back a sob, muffling his words when he says, "But you stopped, Jihoon. At some point, you stopped caring so much."

And that's true enough; the other can deny it all he wants, but he knows, he's known for months.

Jihoon sighs, running a hand through his hair haphazardly and blinking as more tears spill. They shine against his cheeks, burning his eyes red, and Soonyoung wants nothing more than to hold his face between both palms and kiss it until neither one of them can speak anymore. He doesn't want to come any closer to their inevitable ending.

"We'll fall back into place," the younger says. "Soon enough, it won't hurt so bad. They'll just be memories."

The night is tender; Soonyoung thinks he can feel his heart breaking.

Life had its motions, its own routine, until love came in riding on the tail-end of a comet and knocked Soonyoung off his feet entirely. He felt himself fall out of Earth's atmosphere, floating out into space with the feeling of a million stars exploding in his ribcage. This is the reverse.

This is Jihoon telling Soonyoung that they will return to normal; they will fall back down to Earth.

Soonyoung finds the concept repulsive. Then again, Jihoon's always been so much more of a realist.

"Soon," Jihoon breathes, "I need you to talk to me."

"And say what?"

"Say it's over."

A heartbeat, a heavy breath. He opens his mouth, closes it. Opens it again. Soonyoung trembles all over. 

"Alright. It’s over, Jihoon."

And that's it. Their sun's gone out after one last painful, simmering burn.

Soonyoung thinks he crumples in on himself, heaving. He thinks he can feel Jihoon's presence from across the room, and it really is so strange, to cry and not be allowed comfort by the one you love. He thinks he raises his head and offers a hiccuping, "Goodnight, Jihoon," before leaving the studio. He thinks he can hear Jihoon sobbing behind the door once it's closed.

He can't be too sure, though. Everything feels a little too far-away, floating out in space where he can't reach it.

His place is waiting for him.


End file.
